How To Make Your Self-Righteous Friends Think You're Celebrating Earth Day
Step 1: Wear a dirty outfit
Wear an outfit that looks like it hasn’t been washed in weeks. Tell your carbon-neutral cohorts you’ve just gotten back from an early morning tree planting ceremony.
Put an Earth Day countdown button on your website to show your excitement. You can get one at www.earthday.net.
Step 2: Drink green tea lattes
Drink green tea lattes and mention how you’re planning to go totally “locavore” in honor of this special day—that’s eco-lingo for eating locally grown food. When no one’s looking, go to McDonalds and eat a cow.
Step 3: Pretend to be biking to work
When your smug pals call your cell to ask what you’re doing to lessen your carbon footprint, breath heavily and say you can’t hear them because you’re biking up a hill on your way to work. Then step on the gas.
Step 4: Spam your friends with petitions
Spam all your friends with the link to an Earth Day petition. Put “Urgent” in the title of the email.
Step 5: Show your sticker
Put a sticker on your shirt, and when your friends ask you for an Earth Day donation, point to it. Say you got it for donating to a little girl’s Earth Day collection. Stickers can be had cheap from any toy store.
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